you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
