i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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