you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize