I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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