her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
