I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
