I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
