You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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