I think I won the penis lottery.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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