We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
