And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
