lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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