Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
