ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
