Someone shit on the floor
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
is it fun? or sober?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
