I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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