break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize