I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
