he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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