had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
