tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
