well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
