i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
