my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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