Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
