Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
