He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
