if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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