U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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