Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
