Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
