I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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