why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My balls are so social today.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
