I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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