You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
