first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
