You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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