i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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