sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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