she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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