I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
