Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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