I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
