I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize