he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
