Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
