and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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