chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
