when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You're like the curious george of whores
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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