Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize