Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
