should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize