Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
