At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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