Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
