i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
