i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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