I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
