If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
