OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
