I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
