every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
