My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
