this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
