Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
