I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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