I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
