Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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