i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
