I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
