OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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