It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
